Happiness was a magnificent destination, somewhere on life’s road map between success and prosperity. The career of her dreams would surely take her there. “No pain, no gain” was the motto as she climbed the corporate ladder, bypassing nasty splinters and missing rungs. If only she could reach the top, the journey would all be worthwhile. Until she fell. Long and hard through a cold, dark abyss. Hands tied and a ton of bricks strapped to her waist. Terrified as she plummeted, she began to accept her fate. She thought she’d lost it all... until the truth broke her fall. The real meaning of happiness cradled her like a newborn baby. The existential gratitude that she’d always heard about but could never quite imagine. The perpetual satisfaction for simply being alive. The commitment to self love and acceptance of the unchangable. The realization that the ultimate validation lies within. Always has, always will. She’d finally arrived.
By no coincidence have I landed in this intense sequence of suspenseful events that reside within my psycheI’ve grown accustomed to anticipating the unidentified inevitable whilst probable improbabilities rain on my mind’s paradeI breathe deep as my chest muscles tense... a defense against intrusive thoughts that refuse to be containedInternally drained and perplexed by the complexity of anxiety’s effects, I reach inward in search of a forgiving calm that does not dwell thereInstead I tread lightly amongst unsteady breaths and a deflated spirit, attempting to mask inherent contempt for this afflictionWith contour and composure precision-painted onto my face, I conceal the angstSilently regulating my internal conflict, I breathe In for four... Hold for two... Out for six...
What was that?Now you remember that I exist?Your amnesia must be contagious, because suddenly I don’t recall what I saw in you You’re welcome to keep searching for your pacifier in my inboxTrust me, you won’t find it thereI threw it out along with your part-time attention and unreliable companionship You chose to love me intermittently while I gave you full-time affectionSo now my availability has changedI’m all booked up loving people who love me back
Behind her perfect smile lies imperfect thoughtsNotions that unrelenting efforts may never sufficeThe story of life’s bliss may be yet another manufactured fairytale force-fed to us for far too long Blurred visions of happiness may soon dissolve along with the resolve to carry on Anguish may rule her heart forever, where she remains but a lowly servantAn undeserving prisoner bound beneath surface level certainty and a million dollar smile
I’m rebuilding Albeit with the bricks you threw at meI’ve collected the broken remnants of disdain and begun to reassemble my aspirations, realign my priorities Once the mortar sets and the tiles are laid,You’re welcome to stop by with a housewarming giftYou’ll have to leave it with security though...Guest list is full
I miss you sunshine I crave your warm embrace at daybreak The way your tender kiss revives me in the afternoon, only to leave me breathless moments later The way you dissolve just before nightfall, leaving subtle fragments of magnificence to be adored for a little while longerIt’s been so cold here without you My days have been dreary and my nights, frenziedI need you to hurry homeWhy don’t you stay awhile this time?
We Need to Talk
Anxiety, we need to talkYou’ve been crowding my space latelyThe soles of my feet are bloody from the pins and needles you lay for me My eyes are tired of searching high and low for conflicts that don’t existThe air around you grows thinner and my breaths get more shallow by the dayI guess what I’m trying to say is, you gotta goIt’s time for us to call it quits, and for good this time
In the face of a drought, she is unmoved. Naturally adaptable. Resilient. Flourishing amidst intolerable conditions. In spite of disregard, she blooms where she's planted. The internal supply of everlasting favor her saving grace. Preordained for continuity, she is evergreen. Flower girl.
I already let you in...Brought you in out of the cold and sat you near my heart’s fireDrew you a warm bath and rinsed you with adorationFed you devotion until you couldn’t take another biteNo need to thank me... Just be who you say you are Let your charm reflect in your actionsLet your words float from those beautiful lips with virtueI can’t take another blow to the heartThe next one just may kill me
Girl On Fire
Go ahead, dim my lightI’d like to see you tryExtinguish my fire before it runs rampantRavaging the naysayersConfidence fanning the flamesGo ahead and stomp me out before my very presence pillages through the village of your underestimationCareful, it’s hot... wouldn’t want ya to get burned
She’s so shallow. A wading pool of superficiality made up of small puddles of insignificance. What does she offer? Why is she here? Her silence is often mistaken for dissonance. Her beauty, a distraction. Her vulnerability, a handicap. Poor fools. Oblivious to the organic gifts within. Intuition. Consciousness. Excellence. Spectators stand in awe as her light shines past the mucky haze of their expectations. Her glare is blinding. She lends them her shades.
Warrior or Worrier? Anxiously awaiting combat. Depression and oppression her opposition... struggling to suppress the itch that is self doubt. Armed with affirmations, she is triumphant. A village of guardian angels swaddle her with favor. Again victorious. Forever magical.
The night breeds exhilaration. Acoustics feed her weary soul. The lights dance wildly upon her skin, reflective of overflowing angst, the music her deflection. Her pulse in sync with the beat of the drums. Each sway of her hips relinquishes yesterday's woes, tomorrow's uncertainties. She rides the rhythm into euphoria. Alas, all is still. Peace overcomes her. All is right within. Until tomorrow...
She steps forward, one foot after the other...Clenching onto a bouquet of dreams. Vision shaded by a veil of desperation. Desperately longing to fit the harsh mold of societal norms.At the end of the aisle, affliction awaits. As she looks over her shoulder, passions fade into the distance. Blurred visions of aspirations haunt her psyche. Soon, paralysis sets in. Crippled by self-neglect, she is unable to stand alone.Nourished only by solitude and reflection, she pulls through... soon breathing without assistance.Exhaling as she walks away unscathed...In great company with her undying bliss and emanating glow
She entered the precinct in shackles, wrists bruised from the restraints.Exhaustion in her eyes, confusion in her heart.Preparing to face the inevitable.What was the charge?Insubordination.Refusal to comply with your expectations.Inability to succumb to your rules.Failure to fit into your box.She sat quietly in the bullpen reflecting on her crime.Suddenly, her lips cracked a smile. She was at peace. If she was to be punished for living her truth... she’d gladly do the time. Her mugshot glowed with pride.
Weather the Storm
Weather the stormAbsorb its energy and transform the turbulence into fuel to maintain, to persevereFace the wreckage and dig deep to uncover what is lostWelcome unrest and interpret its purpose, or lack there ofFor this too shall passStorms don’t last alwaysThe clouds will soon dissipate and the sun will shine again
This is Me
Listen, loveThis may seem strange, but...I have no desire to impersonate perfection If that’s what you seek, you won’t find it hereI refuse to put on a dress and be more dainty to suit your needsYou won’t find me straightening my hair to align with your standards of beauty Don’t expect to see me bend over backwards to secure your approvalEither accept this greatness in its current package, or kindly departI’m comfortable in my skin... stop trying to peel it off